Ten Things You Should Know About World Geography
Alexander Shiarella, Editor in Chief
January 13, 2010
Filed under Commentary, International Spotlight, Top Stories
Around 150 BCE, the Greek scholar Crates of Mallus created the earliest known globe of the Earth. After all these years, what has humanity learned about this planet we live on? Well, we spend our elementary school years memorizing irrelevant U.S. state capitals only to later call continents, countries and claim that Afghanistan somehow borders Iraq. As such, in honor of Crates and his Mallusness, I decided to compile a list of the ten things I think everyone should know about world geography.
1. Greenland does not take up a third of the earth: If you have taken a look at a world map recently, you may have the erroneous view that Greenland is somehow the size of South America. In truth, Greenland is actually about 836,000 square miles in area. Just for comparison, the area of India is about 1,269,000 square miles, Kazakhstan is about 1,052,000 square miles, and the Democratic Republic of Congo is about 905,000 square miles. So why then do maps convey Greenland to be the mother of all land masses? Well, my personal hypothesis is that the government of Greenland secretly rules the world; a fact made apparent by their long-hidden tampering in the world of topography and mysteriously innocent sounding name. If I happen to get assassinated in the next few days, you will know why.
2. Africa is not a country: Hopefully this won’t be news to you (or our almost vice-leader of the free world), but Africa in not a country; it is a continent. South Africa, on the other hand, is a country and North Africa is a region. Just to review the entirety of third grade, the Earth has seven continents: North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Antarctica, and yes, Africa. Also, I hate to break it to you but the Arctic is not content. Yes, that does means Santa lives on a block of ice.
3. Not every language is named after the country it is spoken in: Just because they speak French in France, German in Germany, and Japanese in Japan, does not mean that every country has a language named after it. For instance, in Brazil the official language is Portuguese, in Cambodia they speak Khmer, and in India, the official languages include, Hindi, Bengali, Tamil, Marathi, Telugu, Gujarati, Punjabi, Kannada, Malayalam, Assamese, Oriya, Manipuri, Urdu, Santali, Maithili, Kashmiri, Konkani, Sindhi, Nepali, Sanskrit, Dogri, and Bodo (you may notice “Indian” is not a language). Also, not every country in the Middle East speaks Arabic, for instance in Iran the official language is Persian (A.K.A. Farsi), a member of the Indo-European language family.
4. The difference between Paraguay and Uruguay: Actually, this isn’t important. Never mind, sorry for wasting your time.
4 (actually). There are two Koreas but only one Vietnam: For some reason, many Americans seem to merge together about half of the countries the U.S. has gone to war with. You’d think we would know more about the geography of countries we have invaded, but apparently it is quite the opposite. The clouding of all differences between Korea (both North and South) and Vietnam is perhaps the epitome of this strange phenomenon. I recently heard someone say that Vietnam is actually in Korea. To set the record straight, Vietnam, North Korea, and South Korea are three different countries.
5. The earth was not created 6000 years ago: To clear things up, the Earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old and life appeared about 2.5 billion years ago. Also, just to get extra hate mail, Jesus was not born on Christmas and thunder is not the anger of the gods. There, I feel better now.
6. The difference between your nationality and ethnicity: Call me obsessive, but it really bothers me when people say that their ethnicity is “American”. Unless you are Native American (or American Indian, whatever is P.C. now), chances are, you belong to traceable ethnic groups other than what you like to call “American”. Granted, some non-Native American people do truly see themselves as ethnically “American”, because of deep rooted or complicated family ties stretching back to the first Thanksgiving. I would understand this justification more if the United States was a thousand years old, but to each their own. Still, what bothers me more is when people say that their ethnicity is American and they really mean that their nationality is American. Nationality is the national jurisdiction you are either a citizen or long term resident of. Ethnicity tends to be the ethnic heritage of your ancestors. Race, on the other hand, is something some guy made-up while trying to create demographics surveys.
7. Sweden and Switzerland are separate countries: I don’t know why, but for some reason everyone seems to mix these two up. To test this out, I recently asked one of my classmates which country was farther north and their answer was rather disappointing. Just because they both begin with the letter S, does not mean that they are interchangeable. If you don’t know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland, go find yourself a map, it is not worth my time explaining it here.
8. Kyrgyzstan: Know everything about Kyrgyzstan. Why, you (didn’t) ask? Because Kyrgyzstan is the greatest place on earth. It is the source of all knowledge, all light, and all of existence. When God created the earth, he made Kyrgyzstan as a reminder that there is good in the world. Also, they have a big lake.
9. It is called Russia now: The largest country on earth is no longer called the Soviet Union, USSR, or Sarah Palin’s backyard. The Cold War is over, it is simply called Russia now. Also, the Netherlands is no longer called Holland (unless referring specifically to two of its provinces) and the United Kingdom is no longer Great Britain (a term which refers only to the island).
10. Which way is east and west: I know this seems simple, but you’d be surprised how many times people think I want to go to school in Washington or Oregon when I tell them I am applying to colleges in the Northeast. Just remember, when looking at a map, east is towards your right hand and west is in the direction of your left hand. If you’re still trying to decipher left and right, I suggest you may want to reevaluate your life goals.
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While your seething sarcasm is amusing at times, it is simply downright insulting at others. But what do I know? I is moran.
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making the world a better place one grammar error at a time Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I believe you mean “I AM a moron” …
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Thank you (or should I say “tack” for number 7! We are not the cheese people, my Swedish husband always says. And while Sweden indeed has good chocolate, cheese, pretty blondes with a penchant for braids (at least back in the day), and relative neutrality, it is not known for these things, as Switzerland is. Thanks for including this issue in the article!
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